“Why do white people own so many pets?
Because we’re not allowed to own people anymore.
*****
What is the scariest thing about a white person in prison?
You know he did it.
*****
how many Chicago cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black.”
*****
A good looking 50 year old white man is trying to get laid on reality TV. What show are you watching?
To catch a predator.
*****
Why do white girls travel in groups of three or five?
They can’t even
*****
What do you call 64 white people in a room? A full blooded Cherokee.”

from various reddit threads

at dinner last night, a coworker was talking about hanging out with his white friends and getting fed up with the racist jokes, and asked them to tell a white people joke.  nobody had any, so he googled and found these. after a few of them, people were a lot less comfortable.

white folks, next time you hear a racist joke, maybe lead with one of these in response.  tag this “I’m white” when you reblog it, if you are.

(via cuterpillar)

(Source: transascendant)

(Source: televisionsgifs)

harrypotterfliesthetardis:

mechinaries:

iseeavoice:

qalaba:

iseeavoice:

A human getting pissed at their vampire boyfriend so they put in a silver sterling tongue stud and bracelets and earrings and their vampire boyfriend is just standing five feet away like “babe. c’mon.”

best so far.

image

TEAM JACOB

mountainsandmochas:

one of my favorite ron swanson lines

(Source: allthingspawnee)

trust-me-imma-doctor:

realslimcaity:

THIS SCENE RUINED MY LIFE

I dont even watch this show and this is literally the cutest thing I have ever seen

(Source: supagirl)

fuckyeahraimispiderman:

Still the best Spider-Man villain one-liner

like father like daughter

(Source: boothspants)

izziesworldofizzie:

stagecoachjessi:

Classic Hollywood Bloopers

And the greatest Hollywood blooper of all time:

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

parks and recreation + text posts

(Source: jonssnow)

(Source: ruinedchildhood)

“I think you’ll notice when things become different, the good vibes in our lives won’t feel so consistent.”
Parker Cannon/TSSF - Clairvoyant. (via adeadman-tells-no-tales)

im so over life ugh

(Source: recklessnorhurt)